I’m no superman, just a man

Decisions are always hard to make nowadays. Especially when you get older and older, experiences and responsibility is the two friends (or foe) that guide you all the way to you final decisions. No longer can we choose what we want to according to our own feelings; unlike when we are little, we just need to cry to get a whole box of candy.

This is but another post of one of my many ranting(s) about my tertiary education issue. It’s hard to see that one clear choice of mine means losing my parent’s dream home. If I am adamant into going to Curtin University, I would have to endure the look of mum’s face of losing her dream home.

Through uncertainties, after visiting education fairs and many Universities’ Open Day, I have reach a verdict that if I were to get into private University, my parents would have to sacrifice a lot just to pay for my cost of living alone, not yet mentioning the course fee.

When my dad, after long consideration decided to give up on purchasing a new house, I was a little heart-shaken. When my dad tell my mum that he decided to give up the purchasing of the new house for the sake of me and my brother, I could see a little glimpse of disappointment on her face. I feel like I am responsible. You see, living closer to town, with a beautiful house has always been my mom’s dream, and also our family’s goal. Finally we found one, and I have to take it away.

Oh how I wish I am superman, or the rich super-villain.

I am applying for cheaper courses at cheaper universities like Uniten or UTP and Public Universities. But, these applications are not as certain as my Curtin University’s application, which is a for sure to get in. My USM,UTP and Uniten application stands a chance to get rejected. My UPU’s application may result into getting a course I didn’t choose, a lousy course. If my applications on these Public U and GLC’s Universities is successful, then our dream home can materialize.

Money, a love-hate object.

Scholarships? I do apply for them. Working hard on them too. But my STPM result may not qualify me for any at all. It will be one grand miracle if I got shortlisted for any.

Oh boy. Life is hard on me. My STPM, my lowest point of life; now the follow-up dilemmas. I will need to, have to, become 1^st class scholar so that I will not let my parents down, so that I could get a scholarship when I am doing my 1^st degree. My sole aim now, first on the list when I am university. My parent willing to give up their dream home for me, I must never forget that.

I hope light will shine on me, and matters will be much easier for me. I pray for it. Always.